I am a living proof of God’s victory.
As proud as it may seem, I am confident enough to say that I
am. I'm only in my late 20s and haven’t really proved anything much to the
world, but as I recount the years of my existence, I am 101% certain.
I've experienced joy, frustrations, heartaches, depression
and betrayals. My life issues may not be as appalling, bold, tear-jerker and significant
as the others but in my world, they are as big and horrendous as any problem
can be. I even doubted at one point the reason for my way of life, but
interestingly never felt uncertain that God existed. I'm a control freak and I
like things to go my way. I've been rebellious at times but would always find
my way back. I've got plans and have always dreamed of fame, fortune and
pleasure. But unfortunately whatever I do, God never gave me what I wanted.
Instead, he would
always give me what I need.
My decision to come to Kuwait came in a jiffy. My salary
working in the Government sector is not enough but I'm about to be promoted
permanently. My career’s doing great although my routine has turned dreary. My
social life is also blossoming, with great people surrounding me. I've also got
future plans to travel and do things that I've always wanted to do. But
somewhere in my comfortable life..I felt lacking. You know that weird sense of
emptiness that people at my age shouldn't be feeling.
Is that what you call mid-life crisis?
Dude, seriously?
I have absolutely no idea. I am happy and I know that I feel
content somehow.. but the feeling of wanting to do something and be somewhere
won’t go away. So when the chance of Kuwait came up, BAM! I’m out of the
country in an instant. Sitting on the plane bound for Kuwait with my Mom in tow
is not a picture I would want to remember for the rest of my life, more so
convincing myself the reality that just dawned on me. I’m suddenly unemployed,
broke, no social life and going to live with my parents for the next year or
so. Convincing me of my new reality because of the out-of-the-blue decision
suddenly came to haunt me.
Anyway I also do want to find a sense of adventure and
something that’s out of my control right? But then you can lie to everyone but
definitely not to yourself. So what’s the main reason why I did that?
Escape.
I want to be something else. To be livin’ la vida loca!
I want to have an adventure, to do the things what other
people have experienced. I want to have a fun, roller-coaster-kind-of-life.
Besides life is too short to waste on unimportant things and we obviously live
once. Just like the old saying goes, Carpe Diem!
Fast forward more than two years from that plane ride
I'm still stuck living in with my parents and only earning an income through my
freelance online job. My idea of adventure didn't happen for things that I
found myself lacking, financially so to speak. I'm also still patiently on hold
waiting for a more stable work application that I have processed for the last
two years and counting. Even though I've decided to give up for the nth time,
but somehow when I'm on the verge of doing that small abrupt wake-up calls out
of nowhere would overturn my decision to stick with it through thick and thin. It’s
probably called divine intervention? No idea really, but I guess it’s a way
that God tells me to be a bit more patient. Yes, patience. It’s a very big word
that I have obediently been doing and applying to my life ever since.
But then, amongst the struggles that I'm still undergoing, I
do however found myself going back to serving God - faithfully and sincerely.
Of all places, why in Kuwait? I don’t actually know the answer but I just found
myself going with the flow of things. I even developed a new kind social life that
is centered with my Church friends and SFC community.
I obviously couldn't really afford expensive things with the
very small income that I have, but interestingly I was able to buy myself a
brand new Iphone, re-stabilized my wrecked savings account and even paid for
this Dubai trip. I even found myself splurging on branded clothes, shoes, bags,
accessories and eating at expensive restaurants without asking money from my
parents at some point. Amazingly I was also able to help a cousin pay for his
tuition from the surplus that I got from my freelance job. Yes, surplus from
a very small income that came from a work unexpectedly. I even had the chance to
do the things I found myself passionate about like photography and writing after letting myself be in
complete surrender to the call of service.
But what’s more interesting? For the past 27 years, I never
really found myself committing to any kind of relationship. It’s not that I am
scared of love or being in love but I just probably never felt the need to. I
thought I am content but then one day God gave me that unexpected gift that
gives me joy – an answered prayer. Hopefully.
All of these blessings suddenly poured unexpectedly. Things
I never really thought would come amidst the choices and sacrifices I made
prior to deciding to follow His call. Before I may not really know their
significance or why these hardships have occurred, but today I am proud to
speak out my realizations -that they are God’s victories, my victories.
Honestly, I could go on a different way. I can keep a deaf ear
to His call for patience, faithfulness and service. If I hadn't been obedient
to His call, I wouldn't be here. I still would have been stuck in my old life
where I thought I was really happy with. But life is all about changes and
these changes are inevitable. Even though I didn't get the things that I
planned for and the dreams that I have always dreamed of, I know God is leading
me to the path where I'm supposed to be not where I want to be.
Every day is a challenge but every day is also a victory
from God that I would be proud to cherish.
